Autumn ponderings

It’s a GLORIOUS autumn day and as I drove onto the campus of Converse College this morning I was once again filled with emotion to the point of tears. I am continually amazed and overcome with a myriad of emotions about being here. Joy,fear, excitement and determination are just a few.  Autumn is often viewed as decline, nearing the end, but for me it will ever be the time of MY rebirth!  

 Some might think I’m silly at this age to return to school but for over 30 years it’s something I’ve YEARNED for.  I’ve had a good life, very good in recent years, I have a secure job and my children are adults/almost adults now and living their lives.  So why tie  myself down to something like school? 

 I’m not sure I can voice the reasons why. It’s something I feel has been incomplete in my life and I’m all about goals and achieving them/ completing things I start. My brain needs almost constant stimulation and I just plain LIKE learning new things.  But, my life since I was 3 years old has been about being a caretaker and taking care of others.  Being told “ put others first always.” I learned that lesson TOO well. Somewhere in the years of caring for others, my sister, my husband, my children, then my parents and every lost soul/animal that came to my door  I LOST a part of me.  She hid herself away, locked deep in my subconscious and waited.  For most of that time she was quiet but in recent years she has unlocked the door, come out and insistently whispered, nagged and then yelled at me that there was MORE than the daily routine I followed.  She brought hope with her when she came out of the closet and she has insisted that it is MY turn in life.  My turn to grow and learn and experience this grand adventure first hand.  

 I worry that I’m selfish and silly and that I look ridiculous doing this at “my age” but she tells me “IT IS MY AGE” and it’s MY TURN and she has brought me here. 

Converse College is a truly extraordinary place. I don’t remember college being like this the LAST time I attended.  This is a women's school and so very different from a public coed university in all ways.  The campus is CLEAN, manicured and lovely to walk. There is a history here. Of nurturing, empowering and EDUCATING women in all the ways that matter.  Demanding all they have and then more but offering support to succeed. That sense of history and all that comes with it literally oozes from the pores of this place.

All the undergraduate classes are just women.  That provides me with a most unique perspective, since most of my life has been surrounded by and dictated to by men. It’s a safe environment where I can voice my opinions and thoughts without being ridiculed or being treated in a condescending manner . Voicing my views and thoughts is actually encouraged, and others respond in a thought provoking manner.  And I’m not the oldest student here!  There is a large group of Converse II “non-traditional” students and I am proud to join them.  

I’m finding my niche  and learning much from the phenomonal YOUNG women in my classes who seem to like, respect and enjoy my participation in class.

I spend most of my time here studying in the Mickel Library, I’ve taken over a table near the top of the stairs on the second floor.  It’s mostly quiet in this spot and it's next to a window so I can LOOK outside, but I can still see all the comings and goings and HEAR the really interesting things that go ON in a college library:-)

I’m not sure at all where this grand adventure will take me but between the panic attacks and occasional questioning of my sanity I’m having a BLAST! I’m holding on tight and enjoying this WILD ride!